My son, Andrew, was born in 1987 and two years later his father and I were divorced. From the age three Andrew was raised by his father and shortly after that by his step-mother as well. Though we lived in the same city, and had been very close when Andrew was small, he made it clear, even as a little boy, he didn't want to be around me.

I chose not to 'force the issue' because I knew that he wanted to feel loyal to his father, and I didn't want him feeling 'torn' between us. So I wrote Andrew a letter when he was about eight or nine, telling him that the greatest gift I could give him was that he would never be compelled to visit me or speak to me - there would be no "shoulds" or "have-tos" between us. I explained that I loved him, and in order to honor his feelings and wishes I would wait to hear from him.

Because it was completely Andrew's choice, we didn't see each other often, but when we did Andrew had subtle ways of letting me know how much he disapproved of me - based on stories he'd heard from his father. I never defended myself, or tried explain 'my side' of the story, nor did I ever say a single negative thing about his dad. Sometimes I didn't see Andrew for a year or two at a time. The only reason he came to see me when he was fifteen, was because I was moving to Hawaii.

Three years later, Andrew graduated from high school, turned 19 and suddenly decided to visit me in Hawaii. At first, we were two strangers living in the same house. But after awhile Andrew began to experience a completely different world from the way he'd been raised. I was raising his little sister to think for herself, teaching her how to think, and not what to think. In contrast to the arguments Andrew grew up with at home he saw everyone in our family treat each other with kindness and respect, even if we disagreed.

I didn't tell Andrew how what he should do - instead I told him to trust himself - to look to his own feelings. I helped him recognize that he really did have all of the answers within himself, he just had to practice listening to himself, and not base his choices on the approval or opinions of others.

Andrew returned to Utah two months later with a renewed sense of his possibilities. He worked with The Silent Language of Peace CD and his world began to change. We had regular phone conversations where I was able to help him 'reframe' what he was seeing, or shift his perception to whatever it was that would help him feel better.

A year later in December of 2007 Andrew came to live with me again, this time in Arizona, following our move from Hawaii. There were places in his life where he still felt 'stuck,' but he had a strong desire to heal these aspects and over the next few months his life completely changed.

In May of 2008 Andrew decided to visit his grandfather and during his time there he called me and said, "Mom, I've been sleeping under the stars every night and helping Papa in the pine forest every day. I sit by the creek for hours and I don't even feel like reading a book because I feel so good just 'listening.' I haven't been on the computer, or watched t.v. or even been on the phone since I got here. And today I was sitting by the creek, and I realized how much my life has changed because of our conversations.

"I think we need to write a book together, because there are so many people my age, and there are so many teenagers whose lives would change if they just had the tools that you've been sharing with me. But they don't have a mom like you - and that's why we need to write a book!"

I'm looking forward to writing that book with Andrew!

In the meantime I thought it would be wonderful to let parents and teens in on my Conversations with Andrew. And we would love your input - questions or comments!

For Parents and Teens working with The Silent Language of Peace Andrew offers a unique perspective. For a Free Session: Contact Andrew: andrew.macauley@gmail.com

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