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If you're like everybody else, you have problems. Sometimes you have problems with your parents, or your friends, or maybe schoolwork is difficult. Even though others experience similar problems from time to time, no one else will see a problem exactly the way you do, because we all have different beliefs and different experiences. And since we all have our own point of view, it's easy to disagree with someone else. Or maybe the problem is how you feel inside. You might wish that you were more popular or smarter. Or maybe you feel unhappy or angry. Or maybe your frightened by how people treat each other. In math you solve problems all the time, because you apply certain principles to the problem, like addition or subtraction or multiplication. As long as you understand how to add, subtract and multiply you'll always get the right answer. But if you did nothing more than stare at the problem, you wouldn't find the answer. I'm going to share a secret with you that very few people know or understand. Life is the same way. I'll bet you know lots of people who worry about their problems all the time. They focus on their problems day after day, and what do they get? More problems, right? Now you'd think that grown-ups would know by now that worrying doesn't solve problems. But since they haven't figured that out yet, maybe you'd like to know my problem-solving secret, and then you can show them how solve their problems. My problem-solving secret is as easy as 2 + 2 =4. It will solve any problem in the world! Can you guess what it is? It's so easy and simple, you're going to laugh. You'll think it couldn't possibly work. But it does! If you actually follow my problem-solving secret it works every time! Here's my secret. No matter what the problem is, you say to yourself, "It's O.K." Just keep in mind that the problem is O.K. and it's O.K. for you to be experiencing the problem. Now I'll bet you're saying to yourself, "But what if it's NOT O.K….what if I'm really unhappy about this situation I'm in?" Well, let me explain why problems must be O.K. You see your brain is like a computer. And in the same way that a computer is programmed… you 'program' your brain with the thoughts you think. And your very strongest thoughts are the things you believe in. What are some things you believe in. You might answer God, gravity, myself, night and day. These are things most people believe in. But there are things you believe in stronger than any of those things. The things you believe in stronger than anything else are the things you fear. I promise you if you're walking down a narrow path through the woods and you come face to face with a grizzly bear, you're going to believe in that grizzly bear stronger than you ever believed in God or gravity or anything else. If you believed in God that strongly you'd be getting answers to all your prayers, but you've probably never prayed with that much energy and emotion. Since fear and worry are the strongest forms of believing, these are the things your mind thinks about the most. And whatever you're worrying about is what you're believing in, and since you're believing in your problem, you keep experiencing it. There's an ancient saying, "That which I feared the most came upon me." What the message is really saying is: "That which I really, really believed in happened to me." So the way to stop worrying or really, really believing in something, is to let it be O.K. And if you let your problems be O.K. it will solve 90% of your problems, without paying any attention to the problem. How simple is that?! Just think about it. If a something is O.K., do you worry about it? Are you afraid of it? No, of course not. If something is O.K. you don't worry about it or fear it. Now I'll bet you're thinking, If it's really that simple, how come all grown-ups don't do that? One of my favorite sayings goes like this, "Would you prefer to be right or happy?" The first time I asked my five-year old daughter that question she immediately said, "I wanna be happy." But now that she's nearly six-years old, she has to stop and think about it. Do you know why? Because as we get older, it's so easy to forget how simple it is to be happy, and we start to think it's more important to be right. So then we start arguing because we think we're right and the other person is wrong. Of course they think they're right and we're wrong, so round and round we go. I'm sure you know what I'm talking about! So let's go back to the idea that all problems are okay. And let's see if you can make a connection between a math problem and a problem in your own life. Can you imagine a mathematician who got upset, worried or angry when he was doing math problems? Can you imagine him saying, "Oh I hate problem B on page 24! Look at that problem…that is a really big problem! There are two huge buildings on the right side of the street and two medium size buildings on the left side of the street…and I have to figure out how many buildings there are total! How am I supposed to know that? The buildings aren't the same size…they aren't even on the same side of the street…And, oh my goodness, one of the buildings is brick! I'm just not smart enough to figure this out." How would you explain the problem to him? Wouldn't you say, "Look, it's O.K. that the buildings are different sizes, it's O.K. that one is a brick building, and it's O.K. that they're on different sides of the street. It's all O.K. You just have to look for the mathematical principle. Look, 2 + 2 = 4. There are two buildings here and two buildings there so there are four buildings." If the mathematician looked for the mathematical principle behind the problem he's say, "Oh of course, I see. But if he kept looking at the problem he'd might say, "No it can't be that simple. Look there's a bridge in the background, three birds on that roof over there and a dog on the front porch, and grass in front of that building. Nope, 4 is way too simple. That can't be it, and that's why I REALLY hate problem B on page 24!" Sounds silly doesn't it? But people get caught up in all kinds of little details every day. They worry or get angry, when they could just decide that it's all really O.K. because it's just what is. Why don't you try it: Think about a problem you have, or something that was a problem in the past. How did you feel? Were you angry, or hurt, or worried? Now forget about the problem, and just think about that feeling. Imagine how you would feel if you said to yourself, "It's O.K." How would that feel? Wouldn't you feel better? Wouldn't you feel happier? You know what? You deserve to happy. And one of the best things about happiness is that happiness is all yours. No one can take your happiness away, but no one can make you happy either. It really is your choice whether or not you'll allow yourself to feel happy. Of course you won't know whether or not my problem-solving secret really works unless you try it. So here's what you do: Think about how you usually react to something that's a problem for you. Let's say your mom says it's time to go to bed, and you usually try to ignore her, or maybe you complain, or try to go as slowly as possible to bed. So in order to try out my problem-solving secret all you have to do is think to yourself, "It's O.K." If you want to really have some fun, say, "Okay, Mom." Then pick up your toys and get ready for bed. Of course your mom might be slightly in shock, so just say, "It's okay, Mom, I'm just practicing a new way to solve problems…you should try it sometime!" Once your mom sees how much fun you're having with your new way to solve problems she'll want to find out what you're doing. And you know what's great about that? She'll worry less about you. And won't that be more fun for you!! This page last updated on: 03/04/04 |